National O'them

In advance of this weekend's coming interleague play series between the Nationals and Orioles, we would like to focus one one aspect of the so-called Battle of the Beltways (we'd much rather see it dubbed the MARC Series). But, aside from our foaming tendencies, we must consider the foolhardy preference of Orioles' fans to blurt out "O's" during the Star Spangled Banner.

Now, of course there is no problem will full-throated enthusiasm for your hometeam. Indeed, one of our few true national folktunes encourages us to do just that. But when you take your act on the road to a venue where your team isn't even playing, or – even worse – competing in the same sport, you have entered idiocracy. I don't have a problem with it at Ravens' games, and if the fabulous Skipjacks ever return, feel free to install it there.

But we simply can't abide O's fans trekking down to the Verizon center for a Craps or Les Boulez contest and say their catch phrase over and over again. When you're stupid utterance is beginning to be preceeded by a Stefan Bauschard-like "Don't Do It!," you should know you have a problem. And its not like the Natinals have some absurdly obvious connection to the National Anthem or anything. Of course, the O's fans are not alone in their lunacy, but they are in the company of thieves. And we're not on their cause because it's done with too much regularity, because even the docent tones of the most well-constructed chant in sports can become monotonous if carried on too long.

But, while we're on the poor O's case, we must take issue with another one of their favorite pastimes. Think about the location of your stadium, which I will freely admit is one of the finest venues in all of sports. But it's nothing short of a goddamned oxyMORON.

I have great appreciation for the concept of the Baltimore Orioles. Its one of the true authentic-feeling franchises in baseball, and they have played baseball since time immemorial. But carrying on with this absurdity undercuts that credibility. Of course, this could actually be part of some ingeniously malicious scheme to force Peter Angelos to abandon his ownership. If so, well done.