College A-Capella

So, today's topic is one that's been stuck in my craw for a while. This is the abject commonality of the all (or nearly all) white male college a-capella group.

Now, having been in some vocal ensembles in my day, I will stipulate that these guys are usually pretty good singers and do try hard. And I actually know a few people who were in these types of groups and this post might get me on their shit lists. But the dorkiness factor is so goddamn high (I know, like I should talk). But, really. It's just absurd to see a half-dozen college guys standing on a stage doing some re-worked version of Sixteen Military Wives or Karma Police. Yeah, I like those bands too, but there's a reason why those songs weren't originally done a-capella in the first place. You simply can't sing a lyric like "her Hitler hair-do is making me feel ill" or "16 cannibal kings, wondering brightly what the dinner bell will bring" in a three piece suit or a polo shirt. Moreover, the faux a-cappella instrumentation like the vocal air guitar or the spit-choke sound of your "rhythm section" is wholly embarrASSing.

Now, I've got no problem with bands who do original songs that are meant to only be a-capella, or even an a-capella group doing regular vocal numbers. But if you've ever heard that song "Who's Got the Hooch?", you've certainly realized the danger posed by unchecked a-capella proliferation.