Here's the Story, of an Idiot from Texas

This post involves, but is not about the so-called Tea Party protests this past weekend in Washington, D.C. The aim of this forum is not to comment on politics, but general idiocracy. So, while there might be much to say about these events, we will instead focus on the reaction of one individual who demonstrates hypocrisy at best and sheer stupidity at worst. Onto this stage walks Texas Congressman Kevin Brady.

You see, Representative Brady was involved in the protests. Fine. No gripes there. But during his participation, he hears complaints from many of the massive throng of teabaggers that the Washington Metropolitan Area Transportation Authority's Metrorail system was not completely sufficient for their needs. Now, as a frequent rider of the system and also a particularly interested observer of passenger rail, I can sympathize with that sentiment, especially on weekends.

However, these particular protests were intended to criticize government spending. Apparently, Mr. Brady and his bunch have no problem utilizing a massive government-provided service to get them to their gathering rather inexpensively. Moreover, while the good Congressman had the mental capacity to criticize Metro for providing less-than-stellar service, he apparently forgot his vote against funding to support the very system he identified as lacking in resources. This whole scenario is analyzed quite succinctly here.

So, we say to the people of Texas' Montgomery, Walker, Polk, San Jacinto, Tyler, Jasper, Newton, Hardin, and Orange counties as well as portions of Trinity and Liberty counties, you have elected yourself a Goddamn Idiot.

Leodis McDumbass

Way to go, cheesehead. Humility is Daryl Talley and Phil Hansen. Arrogance is Billy Joe Hobert. You have chosen the company of the latter. I guess its too much to ask for you to put aside your dreams of runback glory and take a knee for the touchback with a minute left and a lead to protect. Instead, you ruin an outstanding effort by Fred Jackson, a confidence-building performance by Captain Checkdown, the extremely young offensive line's baptism-by-fire outing and a solid showing by the run defense.

Please, go away and never be heard from again. Like this guy.

The Golden Brett

"When men are most sure and arrogant they are commonly mistaken, given views to passion without that proper deliberation which alone can secure them from the grossest absurdities."
-David Hume
There isn't much else to say other than Brett Fav-re is a child and destroyed any reputation he had cultivated over his career in Green Bizzle. Now, I certainly don't begrudge anyone to play their sport until their legs fall off. But Marv Levy was known to say if you're thinking of retiring, you already have. If he thinks his little act of maybe-I-will, maybe-I-won't is appealing to anyone, he should ask John Kerry how his line about $87 billion went over.

Besides his perpetual whinyness, his glaring desire to play for the Vikings shows how little he thinks about the people of Green Bay. It's Gil Perrault lacing up the skates with the Phylers or Kim Jelly donning the orange-and-teal.

Now, Brett may ask, how could he have avoided all this riducule. Two suggestions: 1) don't be a spineless, passive-aggressive, jean model, superfuckclown by changing your mind every 5 seconds like a spoiled 3-year old; and, 2) don't play for the Vikings (or the Bears). 30 other teams would have been perfectly palatable.

Hunter

Change your ridiculous Facepaint profile picture.

Oksi, Sawyer and Nic have joined me in calling you out on this. Stop being a tool (see: 1ac, 1nc for reference). Claiming you'll "change it when you get to England" is (without fear of hyperbole) the biggest pile of bullshit the world has ever heard.

Oh, and if you're planning on getting a domesticated aminal again, tell your friggin roommate before you do it.

By these powers combined, You Look Like A Goddamn Idiot.

National O'them

In advance of this weekend's coming interleague play series between the Nationals and Orioles, we would like to focus one one aspect of the so-called Battle of the Beltways (we'd much rather see it dubbed the MARC Series). But, aside from our foaming tendencies, we must consider the foolhardy preference of Orioles' fans to blurt out "O's" during the Star Spangled Banner.

Now, of course there is no problem will full-throated enthusiasm for your hometeam. Indeed, one of our few true national folktunes encourages us to do just that. But when you take your act on the road to a venue where your team isn't even playing, or – even worse – competing in the same sport, you have entered idiocracy. I don't have a problem with it at Ravens' games, and if the fabulous Skipjacks ever return, feel free to install it there.

But we simply can't abide O's fans trekking down to the Verizon center for a Craps or Les Boulez contest and say their catch phrase over and over again. When you're stupid utterance is beginning to be preceeded by a Stefan Bauschard-like "Don't Do It!," you should know you have a problem. And its not like the Natinals have some absurdly obvious connection to the National Anthem or anything. Of course, the O's fans are not alone in their lunacy, but they are in the company of thieves. And we're not on their cause because it's done with too much regularity, because even the docent tones of the most well-constructed chant in sports can become monotonous if carried on too long.

But, while we're on the poor O's case, we must take issue with another one of their favorite pastimes. Think about the location of your stadium, which I will freely admit is one of the finest venues in all of sports. But it's nothing short of a goddamned oxyMORON.

I have great appreciation for the concept of the Baltimore Orioles. Its one of the true authentic-feeling franchises in baseball, and they have played baseball since time immemorial. But carrying on with this absurdity undercuts that credibility. Of course, this could actually be part of some ingeniously malicious scheme to force Peter Angelos to abandon his ownership. If so, well done.